Regrets
by Rolling Mist 13
Summary: Merlin and Morgana meet on the battlefield with memories and magic clashing around them. How did they get to this point? Why did they get to this point? Merlin and Morgana multi-chapter story with time travel. Based on the Merlin TV series. Merlin and Morgana focused but will incorporate the wider world of Merlin.
1. Regrets

Hello,

Merlin is a new fandom for me to be writing in so here is a little one-shot to dip my toe in.

This story is an AU from the beginning of the battle of Camlann.

Also, I watched Merlin ages ago and I haven't done any background research to this story so apologies if something is out of place.

Enjoy :)

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**Chapter 1: Regrets**

**Battle of Camlann**

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"For the love of Camelot," Arthur shouted as he led his men into the fray.

Swords and bodies clashed against each other as men's painful screams echoed around the rocky valley.

Merlin's eyes never wandered far from his friend's lethal rampage through the Saxon men who opposed him.

Merlin morphed into Emrys and climbed on top of the rocky vantage point to observe the battle below. It was chaos with men on both sides falling here and there. Scratched and bloodied shields and swords were useless in their dead owner's hands.

He couldn't help feeling that all this bloodshed could have been avoided if he had been wiser, if he had made the right choice, if he had helped _her_ rather than tried to kill her.

Merlin started to feel more nervous with each passing moment that Morgana and Mordred were absent from the battle field.

_What are they up to?_ Merlin pondered as he sent a lightning strike down onto the battlefield clearing a path for Arthur and the Knights of Camelot to advance into.

Although Merlin didn't doubt Arthur's ability a knot of worry sat in his stomach and it only grew in size the longer the battle raged on. He knew what the prophecy had said and he knew that the only way to make sure it didn't come true was to kill Mordred before he killed Arthur but to do that, he needed to locate the young man.

Merlin saw Arthur about to be surrounded by Saxon men and lifted his staff to strike them down. He sent a bolt of lightning towards the bloodthirsty men running at the King of Camelot.

But it never reached its intended target.

Instead Morgana stood in front of the running men, having deflected the bolt so that it had smashed into the wall of rock to her side, leaving a smouldering hole in its wake.

Merlin locked eyes with the heavily panting sorceress, clearly deflecting his bolt had taken some effort but she had managed it nevertheless.

In her eyes there was excitement, power and pure rage behind those beautiful dark orbs; and somewhere behind all that destructive instinct and the need to lash out was his friend, the Lady Morgana.

Merlin tried to push away the image of how Morgana had been because the Morgana who stood below him now was no longer that person. Where there had been love, there was only hate now, where there had been fairness, there was only sadistic intent and where there had been hope there was only despair.

Morgana threw a wave of magical force at the Emrys disguised Merlin before teleporting herself to stand on the same rock surface as Merlin was.

"Emrys," Morgana screamed, "We end this now."

Morgana continued her assault by throwing everything she had had Merlin. She put in all her negative emotion and destructive drive into each attack, forcing Merlin to take a few steps back.

Merlin in turn sent a few lightning bolts directly at her when an opening presented itself. Morgana barely managed to avoid them, no longer able to deflect Merlin's attack and return fire with her own.

She was on the defensive.

Morgana felt the power radiating from the old man in front of her.

But she had power too.

She pushed back with everything she had, with every bad memory, with every dark impulse and the air around her turned to fire and expanded.

The fire surrounded Merlin and ate at his magical defences.

_She has gotten stronger,_ Merlin cursed as he felt his energy being drained with this onslaught of heat snapping at his ankles and elbows.

He held firm though and thought he had successfully repelled the fiery attack until he looked to Morgana.

She was standing there breathing heavily but with a shocked look on her face.

_What is she doing?_ Merlin wondered as he kept his positioning a few metres away from her, ready to react to anything she might do next.

Morgana, after a few moments of uncharacteristic silence spluttered, "M .. Merlin? It was you this whole time? You are Emrys?"

Merlin's mind exploded.

He looked down at his hand. It was supple and smooth, not veiny and dry.

"Oh no," Merlin muttered to himself.

In his concentration to avoid being burnt but Morgana's earlier attack he had dropped the effort of maintaining his façade. He now unequivocally looked like himself.

"Yes, I have magic," Merlin confirmed while still eyeing his old friend cautiously.

"Why have you been fighting me this while time?" Morgana exclaimed.

"Because what you use magic for is wrong. You hurt people," Merlin said with conviction evident in his voice.

"And what you think Uther and Arthur's decisions don't hurt people," Morgana said sarcastically, "or result in hundreds of deaths?"

"I am not disputing that but we have gifts. Gifts that can be used to improve lives not take them away," Merlin implored.

"I never had the chance to use my gifts for good Merlin," Morgana glowered, "I was too busy being scared of them and feeling alone. And you know why I was scared of them because my father was killing anyone who had magic and my brother was carrying out his orders like a faithful dog."

Merlin shot Morgana a sad look, "I know you are angry but please there is another way instead of this destructive path you are on."

Morgana laughed and pointed to the battle below, "You think I can stop this now? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop this."

"No but _we_ could," Merlin tried.

"What do you mean?" Morgana said behind suspicious eyes.

"We could stop this _together_," Merlin reiterated.

"How?" Morgana said taking a step towards Merlin.

"There is a spell that could reverse all this chaos and madness. We could transport one of us back in time to stop all of this from happening," Merlin said as he watched Morgana take another step towards him.

"If such a spell existed why haven't you already used it to send yourself back and kill me?" Morgana asked.

"Because the spell requires a life so that a new life maybe forged in the past," Merlin explained while remaining still, not wanting to scare or rile Morgana's currently calm demeanour.

"Let me guess you want to be the one sent back?" Morgana guessed with anger lacing her words, "And I will die."

"No, I am saying that you should be the one to go back in time." At Morgana's stunned look Merlin elaborated, "I once abandoned you Morgana but I won't do that again. I know there is still a good person inside of you and this time I am willing to give you the chance to show it. If we do this spell you will be the one to go back and change the past to suit the future you want."

"The future …. I want," Morgana said slowly.

"Yes, I don't believe you want to rule Camelot or lead a war that costs thousands of people their lives." At Morgana's silence Merlin continued, "You want to be yourself, free of fear, to not have to hide who you are and be alone."

"And if I go back how will I accomplish that?"

"When you go back, find me and tell me that you have magic and that you know who I am."

"You are trusting me not to instantly kill you?"

"I know you never wanted this. Go back and this time choose love over hate and I will choose trust over suspicion. I will choose you; this time Morgana just give me a chance like I am giving you now."

"Okay," Morgana said eliminating the remaining distance between them.

They looked into each other's eyes and it was like the surrounding chaos and fighting below them didn't exist, it wouldn't exist if Merlin knew his friend in the way he thought he did.

Merlin held out his hand for Morgana, "We can do this together, like we always should have."

Morgana stared at Merlin's open hand then to the small encouraging smile in his lips and finally to his warm dark brown eyes, "I …. I just felt so alone."

"I know, I felt the same until I met Gaius. I should have been your Gaius but I failed you … I am sorry Morgana," Merlin said quietly with deep sadness twinging his words as he looked down to the floor, not able to hold her gaze anymore.

He only looked back up when he felt Morgana's hand curl into his own.

"I will find you Merlin and we will start again," Morgana said and Merlin swore he saw the light of his Morgana flicker in those dark eyes once more.

Merlin looked to her hand in his. He gulped then nodded at Morgana.

She was beautiful, she deserved saving, she was worth dying for.

Merlin started to chant.

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**Author Notes:**

I came at this one-shot from the Morgana and Merlin acted stupid in the TV series and they just needed to talk it all out angle. This was basically a reset.

I imagine the time travel working here by supplanting consciences, so there wouldn't be two Morganas but the old Morgana's memories in the younger Morgana's body.

This was harder than I thought to write and took way longer as I am not super familiar with the source material but I tried my best. This was intended as a learning experience and a bit of a treat for a friend.

I wrote this for NCVII, hope you liked it buddy!

Thanks for reading,

R.M


	2. A New Dawn

S'up people,

Yes, that is right this story is no longer a one-shot it is a fully fledged multi-chapter story and I have absolutely no idea where it will take us but hey ho!

This is a birthday present to **NCVII** so thank him for pushing me to continue, happy birthday buddy!

Please enjoy :)

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**Chapter 2: A New Dawn**

**Passageway facing the Execution Square, Camelot Castle**

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"Why are you not joining us at the feast?" a stern voice echoed around her.

Morgana felt like she had just fallen out of the sky and the world was blurry before her eyes.

She reached out in front of her to feel solid stone and the cold condensation on a glass panel as she stumbled forward trying to come to terms with her current predicament.

_Merlin's spell worked_, Morgana exclaimed in her head, and it only took her a few more seconds to work out exactly where she was and who was behind her.

"Morgana are you alright?" Uther asked coming closer to Morgana.

"I am fine," Morgana snapped back before remembering where she was and when she was and why she was here, "sorry I have a headache."

"Then I will send for Gaius," Uther instantly replied chalking up Morgana's aggressive tone to her malady.

"No no it is fine, I will find him myself," Morgana waved her father's and King's concerns off.

"And you will attend the feast?" Uther all but demanded in his tone.

"I will attend," Morgana gritted out as she was still coming to terms with the fact that her father, the man responsible for so much hate and violence against her kind was standing just a metre away from her all but defenceless.

She could do anything and she would get away with it.

There was no Emrys yet and no one knew of her magical abilities, maybe Gaius had an inkling she possessed some but he had no idea that the kind gentle Morgana ward of Uther Pendragon was now actually a battle worn spell caster that had killed to protect magic and had sought to destroy Camelot and her family just to spite them all for the neglect she had felt.

She calmed her violent thoughts.

She had promised to her Merlin to try and she was many things but a liar wasn't one of them.

"Excellent," Uther said before turning around and walking towards the door before calling back over his shoulder, "Remember to visit Gaius and sort that headache."

Morgana had no intention of visiting Gaius but nodded silently to her reflection in the glass panel.

She hardly remembered the version of herself that was staring back at her.

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Morgana walked around the streets of Camelot with her hood down and her eyes open.

She took in everything, the smell of the freshly baked bread, the laughter of the merchants trying to sell their wares, the nattering of the maids and servants as they went about their mistresses and master's orders, the thudding of metal striking wood and the cries of a feeble servant.

That last bit she didn't remember so vividly. She went towards the whimpering and the harsh laughter.

When she had found the source, she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

Arthur Pendragon and his merry band of noble halfwits. Or as she knew now, her brother.

Morgana once again locked away her dark thoughts and remembered why she was here. To find a better way for magic to coexist in Camelot than having to destroy and rebuild everything. But she couldn't resist this easy moment to give Arthur some deserved humiliation at least.

She was about to intervene and send one of Arthur's friends crashing into him when Merlin entered the fray.

"Hey, come on that is enough," the young warlock smiled politely at his future Prince.

"What?" Arthur barked surprised someone was standing up to him.

Keeping the smile on his face Merlin answered, "You have had your fun my friend."

"Do I know you?" Arthur said feigning confusion.

"Ah I am Merlin."

"So, I don't know you," Arthur said ignoring Merlin's outstretched hand.

"No."

"Yet you called me friend," Arthur said invading Merlin's space.

"That was my mistake," Merlin said keeping his calm composure.

"Yes I think so."

"Yeah I would never have a friend who could be such an ass," Merlin shot back as he tried to walk away.

"Or I have one that could be so stupid," Arthur slung back.

"Tell me Merlin do you know how to walk on your knees?" Arthur asked the retreating warlock.

Merlin inwardly groaned as he knew his pride wouldn't let him walk away now, "No."

"Would you like me to help you?"

"I wouldn't if I were you," Merlin warned as he squared up to Arthur.

'Why?" Arthur sneered, "What are you going to do to me?"

"You have no idea," Merlin growled menacingly.

"Be my guest. Come on," Arthur said loudly to get the surrounding crowd involved.

Merlin threw a hesitant punch at Arthur and Morgana was mildly surprised at the physical aggression Merlin had shown.

"I could have you thrown in jail for that," Arthur said twisting Merlin's arm behind him.

"Why?" Merlin questioned as he tried not to grunt in pain, "Who do you think you are the King?"

"No, I am his son, Arthur."

Morgana watched as Merlin was dragged away and the realisation dawned on her that the great friendship between famed King and famed sorcerer started with a failed punch and a trip to the dungeon.

Morgana quickly pulled her hood down further and started her walk back to the castle knowing Merlin would be fine. It was a pleasant day and she had just witnessed a side to Merlin she had never seen before. Plenty to ponder as she enjoyed the romance of her childhood home in a way she hadn't for a very long time.

Thoughts of taking the crown and mustering all the magical forces she knew where beyond Camelot's wall still circulated in her mind but so too did the earnest intent in her Merlin's eyes as he had cast her back in time into her past body.

This was a chance to rewrite history and create a better world than she had managed the first time and she wasn't going to squander this opportunity with her hatred for people who had yet to make the choices that sealed their fate in her eyes.

They all had second chances but she wasn't inclined to give them anymore.

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**Author Notes:**

Hope you guys liked the second chapter, I know it is quite short but more is to come and soon :)

I took the first Merlin and Arthur scenes straight out of Season 1 Episode 1 as I like to use a show scene as an anchor on which to build the story and progress but I won't be copying any other show dialogue as closely as this story is now AU.

Changed the rating from K+ to T to give me more wiggle room and for those who know me I don't think I could manage a K+ story anyway LOL.

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**Reviews:**

**Weirdhead – **Well it certainly has time travel in it and I finally updated :)

**Gaylelbf – **Thank you.

**AndreKI – **Here you go!

**Mersan123 – **Me too, and now isn't a one-shot anymore I get to do my version of that :)

**Guest (Commented 7/03/2020) – **You were right, it isn't a one-shot anymore. We won't get Arthurs reaction as that version of Arthur will hopefully not exist once 'old' Morgana starts changing things in the past.

**NCVII (Two comments on 7/03/2020) – **Um well I am going to make this a fully-fledged story so none but they maybe make me write faster ;)Okay I am going to bypass all the Merlin facts in this review as I have educated myself now and will try to keep the canon accuracy good from now on :) I have Netflix and I am currently re-watching Season 1 of Merlin but I still want your input as you are technically responsible for the creation of this story so sucks to be you XD

Thank you! I just think an 'old' Morgana in the past would cause some pretty interesting situations and I like those :)

**Emrysmorgan – **Fear not, I am continuing and Morgana 'found' Merlin and they will be interacting more together in the future.

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**Thanks for reading guys, please follow, favourite and review if you like what I write :) **

**R.M**


	3. Old Memories, New Path

***Jumps out of random bush* New Chapter! *Jumps back in***

**Hello everyone! **

**I know I have been gone awhile …. Sorry!**

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**Chapter 3: Old Memories, New Path**

_A day later .._

**Stairwell leading to Morgana's personal chambers, Camelot Castle**

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Merlin bounded up the stairwell step by step avoiding maids and soldiers alike as he made his way to Morgana's chambers to deliver the potion Gauis had given him to deliver.

The door was open when he got there and the Lady Morgana was by the window looking down on the busy courtyard below. Preparations for the evening feast were in full flight with carts of food and drink being towed in and unloaded.

"My Lady," Merlin said to announce his presence.

"Yes," Morgana replied before she turned around and saw who was at the door.

"Gauis sent me here to give you a sleeping draft," he added hurriedly, "for your nightmares."

"He is kind," she said sweeping towards him and taking the potion from his out stretched hand.

Merlin took in a slight breath as their hands touched before Morgana moved back to the window and placed the potion on the table near her bed.

"I saw you fighting Arthur," Morgana set her eyes on Merlin knowing the gawky and skittish persona hid the most powerful magic user in history, "Gwen and I thought that was very brave of you."

"Ah," Merlin blushed, "I didn't know who he was."

"What was your excuse the second time then?"

"Stupidity?" Merlin offered weakly.

"I don't think so," Morgana said as she saw Gwen appear behind Merlin's shoulder.

Merlin let out a nervous chuckle, not believing he was having this conversation with the ward of the King.

"Merlin," Gwen greeted him, causing him to jump further into the room.

"Gwen," Merlin gasped apprehensively, "I .. I was just .. um .. delivering one of Gauis's potions to the Lady Morgana."

Gwen nodded then shifted her eyes to her mistress, "How are your nightmares?"

"I don't think they will continue for much longer," Morgana said. Those visions and dreams would frighten her no more. She wasn't the same untested frighten woman she had been.

"Well, my job here is done, my Lady, Gwen," Merlin stated backing away from both woman before accidentally knocking into the door and falling down a few steps before calling out, "I'm fine!"

Gwen let out a laugh at Merlin's clumsy exit, and Morgana to her surprise joined in as well. It had been so long since the last time she had laughed so freely and about something so ridiculous.

"Let's get you ready for the feat tonight," Gwen said, eyeing the red dress laid out on Morgana's bed.

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_Later that evening …_

**Great Hall of Camelot Castle**

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"Gods have mercy."

Morgana smiled as she magically picked up on Merlin's words through the buzz of mutterings her graceful entrance to the festivities had caused.

She knew her red dress would have the desired effect but this time Arthur wasn't the intended recipient.

Morgana inwardly cringed as she remembered how much she had wanted to impress Arthur the first time she had lived this memory. Her brother gave her a captivated look but Morgana brushed past him to take her place beside the empty throne.

"She looks great, doesn't she?"

Morgana picked up on Gwen's compliment and took a sip of her cup. She saw Gwen standing beside Merlin and briefly wondered if there had ever been a chance for those two to be more than friends but the following awkward conversation only confirmed that their bond would remain platonic in nature.

_A pity,_ Morgana thought. Her life would have turned out so different the first time if Arthur hadn't had Gwen to moon over.

She shook her head.

This life wasn't going to be dominated by thoughts of her last one. She had promised her Merlin as much. She wanted to try and create the future her Merlin had believed in and fought so desperately to achieve. A world where magic was free but chaos wouldn't rein. She wanted to at least give it a shot. She owed Merlin that much for giving her this chance to enjoy a happier life.

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The horns sounded and Uther made his entrance to sit in the throne to Morgana's right and she endured his presence behind a forced smile. Merlin, Arthur and Gwen had yet to betray her in this life but Uther had already started his war on magic and cuckolded the man Morgana had considered her true father.

The singer for the evening walked into the hall and started her song. Morgana cocked her head as she remembered the smooth and beautiful tone of the song but not recalling how it ended.

The she felt it. Magic.

As the beautiful notes continued to echo around the hall, she noticed the feast goers begin to droop in their chairs and fall asleep. Cobwebs began to form around the tables and cover the slumbering nobles and servants alike.

Her wandering eyes caught Merlin's panicked ones. His hands were covering his ears as he returned his gaze to the advancing witch, posing as the famous singer.

Morgana saw the singer advance down the hall with a tunnel focuses look on Arthur. Merlin would save Arthur; he had the first-time reasoned Morgana but she had already changed that version of events. Merlin knew she was awake. She was a witness against him using magic to save Arthur like he had the first time.

Morgana saw the internal struggle in Merlin, in that moment, and she or her magic just acted.

The chandelier came crashing down on top of the witch, stopping the singing and waking up the sleeping people within the hall.

Confusion rained down all around the hall as the guests removed the cobwebs covering their faces.

A quick movement caught her eye. The witch had brandished a knife from her downed position and had thrown it at Arthur. Morgana in that split second of confusion over her actions didn't react quick enough.

But Merlin did.

He pulled Arthur back in time, just as Morgana remembered and Uther pronounced him Arthur's new manservant to the joy of the hall and the misery of the two future friends.

Morgana and Arthur walked out of the feast together.

"I don't want him as my manservant," Arthur complained.

"Give him a chance. He may surprise you," Morgana replied as she avoided Merlin's searching looks.

She knew, he had felt her magic when she had brought down the chandelier.

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_An hour later …_

**Gauis & Merlin's Chambers**

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"I felt it Gauis. She has magic!" Merlin said in an excited voice before picking up on his mentor's expression, "You aren't surprised."

"I have long suspected but I had hoped her powers would fade if she didn't know how to use them."

"Why? We could teach her; we could show her that her gifts can be used for good."

"Because one slip up and it is our heads on the chopping block," Gauis reasoned back.

"Gauis, she is probably scared and confused right now. We need to go see her," Merlin said passionately.

Gauis sighed, "You are right. Let's go. We can say we are just checking up on her after tonight's ordeal.

Merlin nodded as he ushered Gauis out the door.

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**Author Notes:**

How you liking the Merlin and Morgana interactions?

Morgana isn't taking over Camelot because she is trying to honour her Merlin's vision of a magically free Camelot forged not in violence and chaos like she did the first time around.

She will struggle with her more dark impulses in the future but this is basically a second chance for her to try to make the world her and Merlin truly wanted.

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**Reviews:**

**Merille Marc – **Yes, I have! It will be a bit of a battle reconcile her past destructive/toxic self with the possibility of a calmer/better future especially because she has knowledge of what she was and what she did and those around her do not.

**Emrysmorgan – **The Merlin Morgana relationship is the central focus of this story so it will receive a lot of my attention so there will be _development_. Thanks for reading it!

**NCVII – **It was your birthday; this can be a belated Christmas gift? I wanted Morgana to witness the beginning of the cute as fuck Merlin & Arthur friendship. Of course ;P This Merlin isn't the same one, Morgana was the only one that went back in time so she is the only one that remembers. Simply it is season 1 Merlin and season 5 Morgana. Ball is now in your court boi!

**Guest (commented 10/12/2020) – **Thanks! Here is more :)

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**Next Up:** Merlin and Morgana bond over their magical nature, and Gauis visits an old enemy who advises him caution over Morgana.

**Thanks for reading guys, I know I don't update this story very often but please follow, favourite and review if you like what I write :) **

**R.M**


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